this beer tastes like vomit already
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
