I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
