you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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