i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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