I'm so fucking centered right now
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
