He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
