oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
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True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
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You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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