I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
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Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
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Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash