Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian