First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
