That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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