what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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