You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
