I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
