i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
