i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
