I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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