new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
