i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
