Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
