i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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