she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
