After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
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I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
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If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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