woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
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I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
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That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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