Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
