I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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