If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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