I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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