Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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