I just made out with a guy for $7.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
