conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It all started with a game of naked twister.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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