Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
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I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
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i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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