Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
