Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
