I think my fart just growled at me.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
