If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
