Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
