On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
