Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
