Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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