How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Randomize
