Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize