anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
