...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
