You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
