Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
