At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
