that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
