You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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