no one should ever give us hovercrafts
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
