Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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