she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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