3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I can text with my tongue
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
