i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
