I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
this hospital has no fireball
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
