quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
