I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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