I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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