I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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