WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
