i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
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Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
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She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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