I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
