Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
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He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
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Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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