I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
