woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
