Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
