i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
