You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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