i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Actions speak louder than pants.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
