You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
