I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
send nudes
from the living room?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
