hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
