You're so nebulous sometimes
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
