I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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