Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
