smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
